Death.

Death brings so many different things for people: joy, sadness, hope, anger, loneliness, emptiness, etc.

I am fortunate enough to still have SO much of my family left. Only two relatives in my 23 years has died. One a step grandma and the other a great grandma.

My great grandma passed away on Sunday and after the sorrow passed...and the guilt....

Lets go off on that note-

Guilt. Since I was 10 years old I lived 1.5 hours away from most of our extended family (Great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) I went whenever my parents went, but when I had a license and my parents trust to drive longer distances alone...I never really CHOSE to visit. I could have...often...and didn't. Now as I get older and their time left is limited, I'm in Alabama...9 hours from them...oh guilt.

So, after that and the sorrow passed I felt inspired, realizing any day could be your last. It made me want to be a better person, want to express my love and gratitude more often and more extravagantly. It made me think of ways to 'live up' every moment and appreciate all the little things.

But of course...life gets in the way. I will forget how strongly I felt when inspiration hit. I will forget the things I wanted and planned to do to make my life a little more significant...until of course the next person passes and I experience it again....When do people say OK. When do people feel strongly enough to put a plan into action? I love my life, but this death made me look at my life as an outsider and evaluate where I can grow...but then it's time for work, time to cook dinner, walk the dog, relax...it's so easy to think, to map things out in your head, but then time gets away from you...and before you know it...it's your turn to go. Will my death inspire someone? Will it inspire them enough to think all the things I thought or potentially inspire someone enough...or inspire the right person that they will take the initiative to make the positive changes they felt necessary?

Here's to hoping I have plenty of years left. Plenty of years to grow. Plenty of years to change. Plenty of years to share my time with those I love. Plenty enough to make that time count. Plenty of time to inspire my husband, my family, my friends, potential students, and my future children. So that maybe, when I do go, I would have made an impact on someone somewhere.